Another Weight Battle Rant

 

I’m still battling my insurance to cover bariatric surgery. I’ve been in a program since May and gone through months of support groups, mandatory testing, psychology, eating changes etc. and they keep saying I’m not obese enough. I started at 39 BMI, one number away from the magic 40. Now I’m 35 BMI but they have to go by the 39. However, they are saying my comorbidities aren’t serious enough. Not sure why total knee replacements from being fat too long is not considered (though in my insurance brochure it is.) 

In the meantime, I recently lost 24.5 pounds since September to get to my pre-surgery requirement. I have been asked “ why are you taking the lazy way out? If you have the discipline to lose that, why can’t you just have more willpower and continue to lose weight instead of this surgery?” 

 First, it’s not a lazy way. What someone has to go through before and after surgery is one of the hardest ways to lose weight.  Surgery is not a cure and you have to work hard to keep it off but this is a tool that can get you down to your goal weight so you can be more active. It will reset your metabolism and hormones. It can get me off my metabolic disorder roller coaster. It can get me past my set point that my body likes to hold on to.  

I have been on so many different diets from Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Dr Oz, Gluten free, TOPS, Overeaters Anonymous,  grapefruit, shots (with urine from pregnant women – HCG (yikes!), diet pills, starvation, fast every other day and so on. 

I have worked out to the point my body hurt so bad and my heart was not having it (my pacemaker kicked in so much the battery was dying faster than normal.) With psoriatic arthritis, that has put me down a few times only for me to do it again when recuperated. Why? I was told I had to move it and since the scale wouldn’t budge half the time when dieting, I would over exert myself. After the gym, many times I’d go dancing. 

 I have tried the ‘natural’ way. Know what it got me? Thinner for a few months, emotional instability with food, and worrying what others were seeing after all those comments of, “wow, you look great. I can tell you lost weight.” Knowing people are watching your weight and looks is very mentally hurtful. 

When I gained it back, plus some, I avoided the people that were always commenting on my weight. When I decline invites and finally confide in someone , I’m told  “Well, Fu*& them. Don’t let them get to you.” Too late. When you hear this all your life from childhood up, it becomes a part of you. 

 The next time someone tells me to just eat less and move more for a more natural weight loss, I will tell them there is nothing ‘natural’ about living the way I have been. I’m 62. I’ve been overweight since childhood but obese since 18 years-old. I’ve tried 44 years. I’m supposed to make it 45? 

I have knee replacements before long. I want them to last me so I can get on the floor and up by myself. I fell back in May of 2021 and no one was around. It took an hour to crawl over a gravel road, under a fence with a hill that I could grab the fence and get up using the slant of the hill. I hobbled down the fence line through a gate and back up the gravel hill in so much pain. I Messed up my arm and even after physical therapy, it’s permanent. I want to be able to get up by myself!

I want to dance without being exhausted or my legs hurting so bad. I want to kayak Hawaii again and ride a motorcycle again. I want to wear clothes that aren’t tents and stretchy, loud ugly bold patterns and be able to put shoes on without almost passing out. I want to visit museums, farmers markets, antique malls without always looking for a chair to rest in. I want to play with my grandchildren.  

I want to go places without someone telling me I’m too slow or have to sit too much. 

If I tell someone I’m fighting to be approved for bariatric surgery, it’s not asking for their approval. It’s just saying, “I’m trying to add another eight years to my life and be able to have a life. I hope you can support me.”

So, I'm asked what I'll do if my insurance doesn't approve my appeal. Will I give up? No. Mexico is an option out-of-pocket.